Candy Machines

“What shall we buy?” said Beat box Bob.

” Candy machines!” Rob said.

2 days later, Bob and Rob were drinking Fanta. There was a small shake. “What was that? “said Rob.

“An earthquake.” Rob said. There was a bigger shake. Beat box Bob spilled his drink,”…it hit the machine…” The machine grew bigger and bigger and bigger. It was so BIG that it smashed the table. “Oh.” The candy machine had smashed, spilling all the candy,”…earthquakes, earthquakes…” Rob muttered. The aftershock of the candy machine smashing, broke the outer shell of the house beat box bob went back to the store and said, “Can we have a refund?”

Ryan L, Jess & Alex.

One thought on “Candy Machines”

  1. Hi Ryan, Jess and Alex! Thanks for sharing your piece with the world!
    I enjoyed reading it! You developed the piece well. It had a clear beginning, middle and end. Plus, I like the name, Beat Box Bob. Made me giggle!
    Also, the words “smashing, spilling and aftershock” were well used and added to the visual. Good use of descriptive words!
    In the future, check how you use different types of punctuation to help your story flow better and read more easily. For example, how you used quotation marks and commas could be worked on.
    Overall, swell job!
    Happy writing,
    Mrs. Ray in Illinois- 100WC TEAM

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